The Bucket List
You asked me why I run. Why do I live? I would ask you. Who knows the answer? I think I could fill up a book explaining to you why I run. Even if it seems senseless to run nowhere, to run to the same place from where I started, many things happen in between.
Or maybe the opposite happens, that nothing happens while I’m running and running around in the park. I don’t hurt people (just avoid me if I don’t wear my contact lenses), and I don’t get hurt (I also try to avoid potholes). Sometimes I think when I run I can stop time. Smooth and mellow time bubble, almost like being nowhere, almost like being in that completely clean and soft white towel. I like to disappear unawares in my running suit and think this is the only way I can fit in. Sometimes I have the feeling that I can turn back time with running. If I really wanted to, I could go back in time, I could be next to You, and we could have that conversation again. Then I feel I run for You.
And at the same time, I always run forward. When I run, I’m getting closer - and faster - to something. Closer to the unknown, to my destiny and my death. There is no problem with that. When I run, I feel everything will come so naturally that I won’t even realize the changes of my state. Then I run for this peace inside.
When I run, I celebrate the triumph of my good part on the bad one. Running makes me collect all my positive energy that I can transform into kilometers and sweat. And this is pleasant. When you see me running, it means my good part is still in a winning position inside. And if I run the marathon – I’m still thinking about it – you know what that is going to mean…
Marathon is one of my dreams. Everybody should have dreams, and everybody should do everything to realize their dreams. If you don’t do everything to make it real, maybe that was not really a dream. (And whether the dream comes true or not - that is a completely irrevelant question, if you tried everything hard). So I run for real dreams, and for people to have their real dreams and do everything for them.
Running is a lonely sport, they say. Life is a lonely sport, I would answer. When I started to run, my main reasons to choose this sport were that I don’t really need anyone and anything to do it. (Just like life). A pair of shoes and let it rock. If someone had invited me for playing badminton or basketball, I would have gone. But it didn’t happen like that. When I run, I’m alone. When I’m alone, I run. I don’t know which sentence existed first. Anyway, when I run, I make it obvious for myself that there are things in life I have to deal with alone. And of one them is loneliness.
But fortunately, I’m not completely alone. I have my companions running with me or across. Then I think they are alone in their shoes, just like me. They inspire me and make me run faster. Sometimes I try to compete with the ones who run into the same direction, sometimes I don’t care about competing, I’m just happy to run alone in the crowd. Of course, I run out of curiosity as well. To go and see some familiar faces, to check if the guy at the bench in blue T-shirt is going to come again and read his book the title of which I didn’t see. To check the ducklings and the nest of the stork. Then I feel I run for all these things: for people I know and people I don’t, for peace on earth, for peace inside, for supporting the good, for real dreams, for people who don’t want to run and for people who can’t. I run for nature, I run for fun, I run for hopes, I run for doubts. I run.
Or maybe the opposite happens, that nothing happens while I’m running and running around in the park. I don’t hurt people (just avoid me if I don’t wear my contact lenses), and I don’t get hurt (I also try to avoid potholes). Sometimes I think when I run I can stop time. Smooth and mellow time bubble, almost like being nowhere, almost like being in that completely clean and soft white towel. I like to disappear unawares in my running suit and think this is the only way I can fit in. Sometimes I have the feeling that I can turn back time with running. If I really wanted to, I could go back in time, I could be next to You, and we could have that conversation again. Then I feel I run for You.
And at the same time, I always run forward. When I run, I’m getting closer - and faster - to something. Closer to the unknown, to my destiny and my death. There is no problem with that. When I run, I feel everything will come so naturally that I won’t even realize the changes of my state. Then I run for this peace inside.
When I run, I celebrate the triumph of my good part on the bad one. Running makes me collect all my positive energy that I can transform into kilometers and sweat. And this is pleasant. When you see me running, it means my good part is still in a winning position inside. And if I run the marathon – I’m still thinking about it – you know what that is going to mean…
Marathon is one of my dreams. Everybody should have dreams, and everybody should do everything to realize their dreams. If you don’t do everything to make it real, maybe that was not really a dream. (And whether the dream comes true or not - that is a completely irrevelant question, if you tried everything hard). So I run for real dreams, and for people to have their real dreams and do everything for them.
Running is a lonely sport, they say. Life is a lonely sport, I would answer. When I started to run, my main reasons to choose this sport were that I don’t really need anyone and anything to do it. (Just like life). A pair of shoes and let it rock. If someone had invited me for playing badminton or basketball, I would have gone. But it didn’t happen like that. When I run, I’m alone. When I’m alone, I run. I don’t know which sentence existed first. Anyway, when I run, I make it obvious for myself that there are things in life I have to deal with alone. And of one them is loneliness.
But fortunately, I’m not completely alone. I have my companions running with me or across. Then I think they are alone in their shoes, just like me. They inspire me and make me run faster. Sometimes I try to compete with the ones who run into the same direction, sometimes I don’t care about competing, I’m just happy to run alone in the crowd. Of course, I run out of curiosity as well. To go and see some familiar faces, to check if the guy at the bench in blue T-shirt is going to come again and read his book the title of which I didn’t see. To check the ducklings and the nest of the stork. Then I feel I run for all these things: for people I know and people I don’t, for peace on earth, for peace inside, for supporting the good, for real dreams, for people who don’t want to run and for people who can’t. I run for nature, I run for fun, I run for hopes, I run for doubts. I run.
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