MY ONLY PLANET

We are having breakfast. Omelette with tomatoes and cheese spread on toasts. We are eating at the small table so you have to bend over from the armchair to reach your plate. Your chest almost touches your legs, but you don’t really mind. You are hungry and you are busy with your food. One deliciously looking piece of omelette on your fork falls to the ground. You curse, then you collect the remnants from the floor and put it on the side of the plate. This bite could be me. I see myself lying on your plate, all exposed to you while hoping that you will find me the most delicious piece amongst all. I’m fearless and surrendered to my destiny. I get excited when you stick your fork in me. The feeling of ’I can die now, I’m ready to start living’ runs through me. In the next second I’m on the floor trying to understand what happened. Is it how life after death feels? I'm still confused when you pick up my flattened body with your fingers and you put me on the side of the plate. I can he

I have to say I really have nothing to say. You can stop reading right now. I’m so sure about this that it makes me start my abandoned blog again. I lost couple of things. I lost my voice that made me write my silly thoughts. Probably because I lost faith. I wanted to give sense to something that never should be more than it really is. I tried to explain it to myself many times. Was I really hurt and disappointed that stopped me from writing? Or was I just too lazy to write? Or did I just face up reality: what I wrote didn’t inspire me anymore. I felt I couldn’t go deep enough to be interesting. I lost direction. I’m losing directions and focus all the time. I'm in constant fight for everything that I believe would make me a better person. I lost things but I also gained couple of them. Now I can see that silence, disappearance, the lack of being in a form is necessary to get out of the loop (loop= circumstances, being used to things and identify yourself with that situation) for

In de spiegel zie je je eigen buitenkant speel je met jezelf teevee kijk je of je lijkt op het kind dat je van binnen bent. (Jan 't Lam)