A Good Day To…

It’s been long weeks since I felt I should say something. I think I should be quiet. Usually I’m quiet. People usually underestimate me because I’m quiet. That happens so many times. And I never want to be louder. Though, I feel so often the urge to shout… The world is passing me by. I should be quiet. So I’m quiet. Actually, this is how I’m made. There are things you don’t wanna change. Even if you know that this only thing changed might bring hundred ones closer to you, you don’t want them, because then it wouldn’t be you… No worries. Even if I leave my home during the heaviest rain, I’m enjoying every drop of it. I have been waiting for it for such a long time... I enjoy the world so much, it’s hard to tell. And you have to know that the rain is the last thing that bothers me. I always have a place to go… I’m a lucky one.

But still I feel paralyzed. I’m looking at you. I’m looking at you and I have nowhere to go. It took me long days to end up here, this virtual nowhere. You don’t know, but this is an achievement. It took me months and I’m still overwhelmed and I can hardly let you go, even if it’s raining so hard. And I know that every second I’m spending thinking about any „what if”, takes time from my life. And I’m still doing that. Not so clever… I just don’t wanna be... And this is about me, so just forget yourself at least for a second, por favor.

Fortunately, there is at least one person in my life who knows much more about how things work than I do. And she’s much younger than I am. It’s a nice feeling to be a child over and over again and to learn the simplest thing a child should already know. And I’m standing here and I have to learn those things again and again. This is ridiculous, isn’t it?


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