Krótki film o miłosci

I’m tired and sleepless. I can hardly eat anything. It’s been like this for a while. I’m leaving promising days behind. Days when the world stopped in front of my door knocking on it constantly. You wanted options – I heard it through the door. You wanted options and you wanted to embrace me. You wanted me to show you who you are. So here I am. If you open the door, I will show who you really are.


Blood ran out of my legs. That must be a joke – I thought. These must be those blond children my colleagues were talking about, who walk around the town and ask for candies in exchange for some Dutch songs. I hoped they get tired of waiting and leave soon, but the knocking noise didn’t stop. Then I thought what if the world was really outside waiting for me? Isn’t it what I was longing for? So I pulled myself together and opened the door. There was noone outside. The whole street was empty. I closed the door with a strange feeling. Only when I turned back did I realize that the world was already sitting on my couch, doing the washing up in the kitchen, brushing his teeth in the bathroom and sleeping in my bed.


I spent these last days in complete euphoria. How could I describe it? It’s like entering the biggest supermarket in the world, where you can buy everything you think they make you happy for free. I passed my whole week in this shop walking around. I was amazed and I felt like buying as much as possible.


But the more time I spent in the supermarket, the more uncertain I became. What if I never make any use of the things I put in my shopping cart? What if I forget something important? There are so many choices, and it’s so hard to choose the ones that I really need and complete me the way I want it. I cannot tell you how many times I crossed this shop with deep thoughts in my mind. Finally, I didn’t buy anything. I left the shop with empty hands and with the firm belief that buying nothing is a virtue that consumer society can hardly afford.


However, I’m still dazed and confused by the wide offer the world scattered before my feet. It’s hard to get back to my normal life after seeing all the things that are waiting for me if I choose them. It’s hard to stay cool and it’s hard to concentrate on the tasks I have to accomplish before. Somehow I have to make sure the right things will happen and I won’t pick up any wrong item from the shop if I return. Because I know with all my senses that finally I’m on the right track. And this is who I am now: someone who has to learn to worship the mornings and to appreciate pain. Pain is the most generous present of life. Pain is the only way to learn what happiness is about.

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