Back to the weekly regime. Bi-weekly. Any kind of regime. Leaving prints of the days, of the uninteresting, of the nothing happening. Then that’s it. Trying to understand the forces that mute me and tell me everything I say is utterly useless and unnecessary. They say it so loud, it’s scary. With time (What I really mean is with age) I would expect fearlessness would take over. Oh how wrong I am. Doubt mountains everywhere I look. And I realize that if I say nothing, if I pretend life can just happen in one dimension, somewhere between the work laptop and the television, that means they won against me. The muting, doubting, questioning forces could triumphantly conclude that there is nothing to see here. This is my weak attempt to step up and pretend that it matters. Replace “it” with anything you think may be important part of a life and likes to hide away from the inquisitive eyes. It could be me. The one that cannot be muted by fear, or if it got muted for lon...
This is your competition. You have to accomplish it alone. I cannot do it for you. To run 42 kilometres at a stretch seems to be an impossible challenge. Especially because you have not prepared for it... You just found yourself among the other runners. First you believed this was a fast sprint, then you thought maximum three more kilometres are waiting for you. After you lost your sense of time and distance, you realized that this is the longest and the most important competition of your life. You are running. The feeling that you will not be able to finish it attacks you from time to time. You are playing with the idea of giving it up while your legs are automatically taking you closer to the end. The farther you get, the more times and the longer you are tasting the extasy of the sweet, moment-lasting surrender. You know very well that this competition is not about the thoughness of body. This game is played in your head, where faith and persistence are gambling. You do not have th...
What a weird day, my friend. Those dreams coming out of the blue. They were so real, I couldn't resist them... But this is not what I want to tell you. Hopefully most of you are watching European Championship at the moment, and the rest of you are already accostumed to the fact that I don't say any relevant thing in my blog. Because this blog is still not about a story of characters who have conflicts in their lives, they are struggling and there is catharsis at the end. The story in which a character recognizes movies by its music and spends most of his time attending concerts. This is still me getting on bike every morning to work, going to run in Vondelpark after and trying to go to sleep at midnight. Not much to say - to be honest. And it doesn't mean nothing happens to me. So much things are happening, but still. The question - is it really happening to me? - is still there. I need time to integrate everything in my life. Actually, I think I have a special definition w...
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