The Con

I have to be back. There is not such a thing that I need more time, or I have to do this or that before. This is the only thing I have to deal with. To be back. To try. And then let it go so that I can be back again. I’m waiting for an intense moment when I get an answer or I can share another question with you. That intense moment might be this one. Or the following one. I’m trying.

I need silence. I need perfect silence where I cannot hear anything except for my own heart beats. I need silence! - I’m shouting. Can you hear what I’m saying if I don’t say a word? I’ll only give you a look to ensure you about my understanding, a look with which I accept your presence in my life. I won’t play any games. I won’t use any words. I need silence! – a voice is shouting inside of me. And you, you can only hear my heart beats. Your head is lying on my chest and I’m stroking your soft hair. I’m watching you as you fall asleep.

I don’t know what kind of battle it is. What are the weapons of harmony? I imagine that I get up, I open the door and I stand in front of you to tell you the simple truth. Would you understand the many dimensions of a life? Would you understand my struggle for words? My struggle for silence and peace? Would you understand that I have to be back? Even if you won’t understand a word. I have to be back.


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