MY ONLY PLANET

Life always makes the funniest jokes. That’s why I never get bored of it. My last weeks in Amsterdam have been so dense that I don’t stop thinking about all the movies that would be the right equivalents for everything I have been through. As time goes, the possibility of linking different stories of life together is enormously increasing. Indifferent details suddenly become the main issues for long weeks and you are just sitting and watching your own life as a movie. Because there is nothing else to do. It was a dense period I told you and now I’m just waiting for what’s next. I don’t know if you have ever thought about how historical events influence your own life. I’m sure everybody remembers where was and what was doing on 9/11, for example. When that happened, I was in Paris with my future­-ex-boyfriend and hardly noticed anything from the importance of that sorrowful event. All I remember was that I was really into him and I loved him so much that I was ready to be his friend-...

I promised to write something for my birthday. I already had a plan what to tell you, but that plan had been changed so many times by life since then. When I was a kid, I might have had an idea how it was going to be 30 years old. Good job, loving husband, kids, car and a house with garden, probably. But I have never thought that I’m going to mourn my cousin, who was one year older than me and passed away three days before my anniversary. Sad enough, I know, yet there is something important I learnt last week: there is no young or old, there is only dead or alive. Let me devote this entry to him, who is no longer with us. As time goes, you have to realize one more thing: the number of funerals will only increase for the rest of your life. What are you going to do then? You’ll just try to keep on going with your own things, maybe with more devotion and more discipline and hope you won’t be the last one going away… Therefore I stick to the plan and I’m telling you one of my favourite sto...

Azt hiszem elérkezett az ideje annak, hogy minden félelmemmel leszámoljak, ami egy idegen ország fogalmához kapcsolódik. Miután alaposan kezdem feltérképezni a holland egészségügy színtereit, érthető módon már nincsen napokig tartó görcsöm, ha bankba vagy postára kell mennem. Összességében az elmúlt két évben nem töltöttem ennyi időt várótermekben és orvosoknál, mint az utóbbi két hétben, és csak hab a tortán, hogy mindezt idegen nyelven, egy idegen országban tettem. Valójában már nem is annyira idegen. Talán furcsán hangzik, de lelkes érdeklődéssel figyelem, miként működnek a dolgok errefelé és csak reménykedem, hogy minden a legnagyobb rendben lesz. Egészségügyi körsétám első állomása ugrás volt a mélyvízbe: Fogorvos, ami már önmagában is félelmetesen hangzik, de ha hozzátesszük a holland jelzőt, két dolog fokozhatja rettegésünket: 1. Mibe fog ez nekem fájni (mind testileg, mind anyagilag)? 2. Mi történik, ha a fúrót a szétfeszített számhoz közelítő fogorvos megkérdezi tőlem hollandu...

I don’t remember how it happened. I just found myself lying on the coach surrounded by soft colours and heart-beating music. I couldn’t say a word. I was completely overwhelmed by the shapes, the sounds, the smells and the colours. An atheist might feel the same when enters a church and despite all his religious scepticism, he is still impressed by the interior decoration so much that starts to have doubts about the non-existence of God. The door of your room is an entrance to another world I have never seen before. Who enters there once, will never be the same again – this is how I imagine things. Like an earthly heaven or a heavenly hell. There is not much difference anyway, as earth is a place where angels are dating devils in secret. When I enter your room, I leave everything behind. I only bring my heart, I put it on your table – it’s messy (cigarettes, empty bottles, ashes – all the ruins of yesterday’s party) and I hope there won’t be a sudden move that sweaps it under the coach...